Dr. Wilhelmina Greaves
Chair, Jar Sciences
Lids. Forty years of lids. Can identify a jar’s maker by the sound of it being opened, and has asked that nobody test this.
Operculum Semper
Jar Sciences
Lids, seals, airholes, and the ethics of all three. Home to the Institute’s historic jar collection, currently one jar short.
Overview
Jar Sciences was founded in 1702, shortly after the Institute learned the hard way that a specimen needs somewhere to be kept. The department has studied the jar ever since: its shape, its seal, its airholes and, more recently, its feelings.
The department looks after the Institute’s historic collection of seven jars, made between 1647 and 1702, of which six are on display. The seventh is on loan to an unknown party.
Our work is practical, ethical and, at times, a little tense. Researchers are reminded that the Jar Room is a quiet room, and that jars should not be tapped.
Faculty
Dr. Paul Perzyk
Senior Fellow, Specimen Studies
Of Polish heritage, and fascinated by the humunculous since boyhood. Leaves no stone unturned, then checks under it. Has applied to keep a humunculous of his own 41 times, and has a jar ready at home with seven airholes, just in case.
Dr. Kenji Ostrowski
Reader in Seals and Airholes
Author of the Institute’s airhole standard. Believes, controversially, that more is not always better.
Dr. Priya Raman-Holt
Fellow in Jar Ethics
Asks whether the jar is a home. Has been asked to stop asking it in meetings.
Mr. Dennis Tull
Curator of Jars
Counts the jars every morning. The count is six. Mr. Tull is fine.
Current Research
The Home Specimen Pathway Application 41
Can a member of staff keep a humunculous at home? Dr. Perzyk has volunteered to find out, repeatedly. His 41st application is under review. The committee has asked to see the jar.
The Missing Jar Inquiry Open
Jar No. 7 was last catalogued in 1911. It was empty then too. We would like it back, and we would like to know what was in it.
Airhole Optimization Ongoing
How many airholes does a jar need? Our current standard is seven. A minority faction argues for zero, and has been asked to leave the room.
Lid Tightness Standards Draft
A scale for lid tightness, from “Loose” through “Firm” to “Mr. Tull Has to Run It Under the Hot Tap.”
Jar Preference Survey, Phase II Recruiting
Following our landmark 2024 survey, we seek more respondents. Applicants must be under eight inches tall and willing to answer honestly about lids.
Findings
- Most specimens prefer a wide-mouthed jar.
- All specimens prefer the lid off.
- More than seven airholes serves no scientific purpose and several practical ones.
- A jar is not a home. (The department’s position. Dr. Raman-Holt dissents.)
Publications
Forthcoming, or lost:
- A Jar of One’s Own (Draft 41)
- Airholes: How Many Is Too Many?
- Is the Jar a Home? A Rebuttal to the Rebuttal
- Mason, Kilner, or Pickle? Specimen Preferences in Practice