Notice: Specimen H‑7 is accounted for. There is no reason to check your cupboards.
The Modulous Institute for Humunculous Research · Est. 1647

Compiled From 379 Years of Observation

Field Guide: What We Know About the Humunculous

Everything the Institute has established about the humunculous, gathered in one place for the use of researchers, visitors, and members of the public who believe they have seen one.

Physical characteristics

  • Height. Every humunculous ever measured has stood between 6¾ and 7 inches. The average is 7. The exception is Thursdays.
  • Hands. The hands make up, on average, 31% of total body mass. Why is the subject of an entire department.
  • Lips. Also very large. Prof. Marsh asks that this be listed separately, and it has been.
  • Weight. About the same as a full jar of jam. Researchers are asked not to compare the two directly, in front of either.
  • Temperature. Room temperature, whichever room.
  • Shadow. Slightly smaller than it should be. Nobody has found out where the rest goes.

Behaviour

  • Handshakes last an average of 4 minutes 12 seconds. The longest on record lasted from a Thursday to the following Tuesday (see H‑3).
  • They do not like being measured, counted, or told what the count is.
  • They always sit facing the door.
  • They collect small things: buttons, keys, calipers, single pages from the middle of documents.
  • When content, they hum. The note is B flat, slightly flat.
  • They knock. Always three times. Then they wait.

Diet

  • They eat leftovers only. Offered a full meal, a humunculous will wait politely until it is a leftover.
  • Preferred food: the last biscuit. Always the last one, however many there were.
  • They do not drink tea, but they are often found near it.

Habitat

  • In the wild: drawers, flour bins, hatboxes, gaps behind skirting boards, the space under the fridge, and the walls of older buildings.
  • In captivity: jars, ideally wide-mouthed, ideally with the lid off.
  • Never cupboards. A humunculous will tell you it is not a cupboard.

Lifespan

  • Unknown. The oldest known specimen (H‑7) is 379 years old and looks well for it.
  • They do not appear to age. They do appear to remember.

Communication

  • Rare, and usually one word at a time.
  • Most frequently recorded word: “Seven.” Second: “Wider.” Third: “Off.”
  • They read. They read a great deal. They correct mistakes in pencil.

Origins

  • The first was made in 1647. The rest seem to have arrived.
  • The Institute does not know where new humunculi come from. The Institute would like that to stop.
  • Dividing one does not reduce the number of humunculi. (See H‑4. Do not try this.)

What we still don’t know

  1. Where H‑7 goes on Thursdays.
  2. What was in Jar No. 7, and where Jar No. 7 is now.
  3. Who removed page 3.
  4. What is knocking in the East Wing, and why always at three.
  5. How many there are outside the Institute.

If you see one

Do not approach it. Do not shake its hand. Do not offer it a jar, and on no account put the lid on.

Note the day of the week. If it is a Thursday, note it twice.

See the Specimen Collection for the individuals behind these findings.