Notice: Specimen H‑7 is accounted for. There is no reason to check your cupboards.
The Modulous Institute for Humunculous Research · Est. 1647

Departments

Quod Superest, Manet

The Department of Remainders

We study what is left over. Every result is reported modulo seven, for reasons the department declines to share.

Overview

The Department of Remainders is as old as the Institute itself. Our founder, Ezekiel Modulous, believed that any quantity, divided carefully enough, leaves behind something small. He also believed that the something small was usually looking at him. History has proved him right on both counts.

We study remainders in every sense: numerical, physical and personal. What is left over after a division? After a meal? After a specimen has been counted, recounted and found to be one short?

By long tradition, every result the department publishes is reported modulo seven. When asked why, the department’s chair said that seven was “where it stopped.” She did not say what “it” was.

Faculty

Dr. Sabine Achterberg

Chair, Department of Remainders

Has divided everything in the building at least once. Keeps what is left over in labelled envelopes. Some of the envelopes move.

Dr. Rick Demeester

Reader in Population Remainders

Of Belgian descent. Holds that when all is said and done, the humunculous will overtake the human population as the dominant species on the planet. Whether he is right remains to be seen, which in this department counts as a finding.

Dr. Felix Mbeki-Lowe

Lecturer in Thursdays

The Institute’s only specialist in Thursdays. Does not come in on Thursdays, for methodological reasons.

Ms. Ruth Calloway

Archivist of Leftovers

Catalogues every crumb, offcut and unfinished sentence the Institute produces. The archive is now larger than the Institute.

Prof. Emeritus Ambrose Quell

Professor Emeritus

Retired in 1988. Still comes in every day. Nobody has asked him to stop, and nobody remembers hiring him.

Current Research

The Remaining Majority Year 3

Led by Dr. Demeester. A long-range projection of when the humunculous will outnumber the human population. Current figures are 8.2 billion humans to 7 specimens. Dr. Demeester describes this as “early days.”

The Thursday Anomaly Ongoing

Specimen H‑7 has measured seven inches every day for 379 years, except on Thursdays. We are trying to find out what he measures on Thursdays, and where.

The Leftover Census Year 12

An exhaustive count of everything the Institute has left over, from half-eaten biscuits to unfinished sentences. The census is itself now left over.

The Page Three Problem Unresolved

Our most-cited paper runs from page 2 to page 9. Page 3 is not in any copy we hold. The author says she did not remove it.

Dividing Things That Should Not Be Divided Suspended

Suspended indefinitely after the 1911 trial, which divided one specimen by seven and got seven.

Findings

  1. Everything divided by seven leaves something behind. Usually it is small. Occasionally it leaves.
  2. The remainder of 23 ÷ 7 is 2. We have checked this 4,212 times.
  3. Seven inches, seven specimens, seven jars, Room 7. The department considers this a coincidence modulo seven.
  4. Page 3 does not appear in any edition we can find.
  5. Reported modulo seven, the specimen population is 0. Dr. Demeester notes that the human population, reported the same way, is also not doing well.

Publications

Forthcoming, or lost:

  • When All Is Said and Done: Projecting the Humunculous Majority
  • Thursdays: An Anomaly in the Modulous Height Series
  • The Last Biscuit: A Case Study
  • Is the Remainder Looking at You? (both researchers blinked)