Dr. Tobias Okonkwo-Bell
Chair, Theoretical Hands
Has held the Question of the Hands open for twenty-two years. Wears gloves, in solidarity.
Manus Magnae, Quaestio Maior
Theoretical Hands
Why are the hands so large? A question the department has held open, with great difficulty, since 1702.
Overview
In 1702 a visiting anatomist sketched Specimen H‑7 and noted that his hands were “out of all proportion, as if the rest of him were an afterthought.” Theoretical Hands was founded the following week to find out why.
The department takes a purely theoretical approach. We do not handle the hands, and the hands are asked not to handle us. Our work draws on anatomy, philosophy and a collection of 212 plaster casts, all of them holding something.
We share the second floor with the Hall of Casts and, by long agreement, with Prof. Marsh’s lips research, which she insists is not a subsection of anything.
Faculty
Prof. Lucinda Marsh
Professor of Lips
Leads the department’s other question. Insists it is the more important one. Has a point.
Dr. Arvid Sollander
Senior Lecturer, Finger Census
Has been counting fingers since 2009. Results pending. Will not say how many he is up to.
Dr. June Abernathy
Postdoctoral Fellow, Gloves
Designs gloves for very large hands on very small men. Unfunded, and knits in the evenings.
Current Research
The Question of the Hands Year 324
The department’s founding question. Why are the specimen’s hands so much larger than the rest of him? Current thinking is “because they matter most.” Funding is in place for further thinking.
The Lips Question Ongoing
Led by Prof. Marsh. The lips are also very large, and the department’s position is that this is “a separate, equally serious matter.”
The Finger Census Pending
How many fingers? We know the answer is probably ten. We would like to be sure.
Gloves Unfunded
A practical side project to design gloves that fit. Theoretical Hands does not normally do practical work. An exception was made after the 1888 incident.
Findings
- The hands are large because the hands are important.
- Specimens shake hands firmly and for much too long.
- Finger count: ten, on average.
- Practical hands research has been banned on the premises since 1888. Theoretical research remains permitted, provided it stays theoretical.
Publications
Forthcoming, or lost:
- The Left Hand Knows: Preliminary Notes
- On the Lips, Briefly
- Gloves: A Funding Proposal (Third Submission)